The year is literally flying by. I feel like it was just AVN, and that is like 5 months ago. I don’t know how to make time slow down, but I have a feeling no matter how much research I do on the subject, nothing worthy will ever materialize.

B-snapps and I just went on this killer hike, up to the top of the world, or the top of my world, which is lovingly refered to as the “valley”. I digress, my world exceeds this smog infested dale, these mountain ranges only hint at the possibilities of the world beyond, and I shouldn’t down play the circumference of my world. My world is actually pretty big, and there are quite a few people living in it, although like the falling tree in the woods maxim, I’m not quite sure anybody exists when they aren’t in my immediate view. Available for my immediate enjoyment. Ha. There I said it. I am an arrogant (and occasionally maniacal) bitch and the world revolves around me. Now that that is out of the way…… is going to be such a great place. Already I have realized what crazy kind of shit I can get away with simply because God put two perfectly rounded lumps of fat on my chest, and a wet slit in between my legs. I’m not trying to take my gender back by any means, so please don’t take this the wrong way but HAVING A PUSSY WILL GET YOU AHEAD. And I’m not talking about a blowjob here folks.

Example 1:

Ryan Keely and I went shopping, made out in the Nordstroms dressing room (on a video camera that I was holding), then proceeded to video us purchasing panties. The best part is that because it is two chicks, nobody even begins to question what the fuck we are doing. They just assume we are crazy bitches who like to video stuff and there MUST be a good reason, one so good in fact it isn’t worth asking or questioning. Not that I would have given them a proper response anyway.

Example 2:

After that we went shoe shopping, and had a dance off/run way show right in the shoe store. The guy helping us just kept bring more shoes.

*he did ask whats up with the camera, and I replied “Oh my boyfriend is in Iraq, and he has a huge foot fetish, so I get all my girlfriends to try on shoes for him and his buddies”. To which he smiled, a smile that said “do whatever the fuck you want you freaky little thing.” Girls are such liars. J

Example 3:

I went on a casting for Vivid the other day, and Showtime was there filming everything, as it is going to be their next reality show, the making of “Deep Throat” (yeah, that’s right bitches, I’m trying to swallow as much cock as I can to get this motherfucking part!). Because I have breasts and a vageen, I was able to film the crew filming me, and did the entire casting with my camera. I’m not saying I’m a better videographer but lets see a dude with a camera harass an entire Showtime crew in one swoop. And then harass the other girl trying out, everybody in the waiting room at Vivid, Shylar, PT, Marci (!!!) and the phallic objects placed strategically on the table.

That’s right, I can even harass inanimate objects if I please, carrots and leaks, because I’m cute, have tits and this makes everyone think “let her do what she wants. She’s going to anyway.”

I think that this superpower of mine will come in handy with because it will make me unstoppable. Untouchable. Invisible.

Okay, maybe not invisible. I guess that’s kind of the opposite of the point.

And maybe I shouldn’t start thinking like this…..this kind of thinking could land me in trouble. Maybe in jail.

Maybe…..maybe I’ll just experiment with the superpowers that come from being a woman, and take it slow. Figure out the best way to cause trouble without getting in it.

Yeah fucking right, if you know me, you know that this realization will be the end (or beginning) of me, and I don’t take anything slow.

I wonder what I can get away with next.


~ by Penny Flame on May 3, 2008.

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