Bang Bros, Fried Eggs, and Whispers of Change

 

Life is picking up as we speak, the seconds are actually moving faster, and it seems as though I blink and a week passes. The entire American economy is in a downward spiral and my work has taken over my play and you’ll find no complaints of being unemployed from me. I’m a busy fucking bitch to say the least.

This week has been filled with big things, big big big things that I am excited to say could and will provide a very nice new comfy home for my round bottom. Justice Young and I started directing over at Bang Bros, for a site called http://www.FuckTeamFive.com and needless to say, if you look at the site, you can tell it’s a long day fucking at work. And I mean long. We find three different guys in three different places and fuck them silly. This is all very fine and dandy until everything goes wrong. Which it occasionally will. But if even one thing goes wrong here, the whole shoot is fucked. I’m thrilled to be taking it on, because it is a challenge, but fuck, this is a serious challenge. If Justice and I can pull this off, and show Bang what a great team we are, Bang will continue to help us do what we do best. Which is fuck every thing that moves. And to do that in the name of Bang? Well that is just about the highest honor to be paid. Bang pretty much rules the world, and I like they way they rock shit. The owners are dope, the staff is rad and even the editors fucking rock. Great company to be in with, and man, now I got my foot in the door, I’m fitting to kick that motherfucker open and dance my way from the lobby throughout the company.

So we tried to do two shoots and only pulled through on one. Bummer. But like I said, shit goes wrong. That’s the way life is.

I have some other really big news, but I’m not quite ready to talk about it. I want to make sure all my t’s are crossed and that nonsense before I go blabbing about what may turn out to be one of the most difficult and best decisions I will make in my career. Don’t be afraid, I’m not going anywhere, in fact, y’all stuck with me for a cool minute. And that is all part of the decision. Awkward talking about things that haven’t happened.

My brain is fried. Like fried fucking eggs, messy sloppy, sizzle crisp. I think it’s a mixture of my past week and all the pot I’ve been smoking. I had chilled out so much in Europe, only smoking the occasional hash spliff, and now I jump right back in the pot pool here at home, never missing a beat, like none of it even happened. I’ve done the same thing with work, but the nature of the business is such that you take it when you can get it, especially in times like these where even the best performers are looking to lower rates to book scenes. But I’ve got to stop on the excessive pot use.

I ran into a good friend and hilarious writer Cory at Megan Stokes birthday party Friday night at the Foundry. We locked eyes and immediately I told him I wish to speak with him because I trust and value his opinion. Fantastic. He decides to stay longer-and longer and longer and longer.

I wanted to ask Cory about web oriented things, some questions regarding my site, and throughout the conversation, we kid and play around, throw jokes back and forth, and both try to be as lewd and inappropriate as humanly possible. At one point Cory said to me

Cory: You’ve smoked pot today haven’t you.

Me: Yeah, why?

Cory: You’re not as cool when you smoke pot. Definitely not as funny.

Me: Fuck. You’re right. Fuck.

So again I’m telling myself to chill out on the greenery, again I’m reminding myself that I feel/look/act/am better throughout the day when I don’t sedate myself to the point of inactive silence. And again I’m wondering what exactly it is inside of me that pushes me to use drugs and substances excessively? Am I obsessive compulsive and overdoing everything I get my hands on? Am I self destructive? Am I lazy and bored?

I’m not bored, so thats out the window. Pot brings out my laziness: explained. I am obviously self destructive, hence the cigarette in my left hand, don’t know why I question that. OCD for sure, because no matter what I do, whether its good for me or bad, I do it CONSTANTLY. Yoga, once a day, crazy hot Bikram. Running, twice a day, 7 miles in a go. Cigarettes, all day, full pack. Pot, every single moment.

I need to focus this insane energy in a productive way. Back to yoga. Back to running. Quitting cigarettes again after AVN (no way I’m not going to drink and smoke in vegas yo). Pot, only on the weeknights, no more of this schoolnight, and wake n bake shit. Time to remember what goals bubbled up in my mind out there on the Euro road and make them an actuality. My reality. My Bang Bros and Vivid gigs are the future, the present, and I need to put everything I am into these projects. Time is moving fast, and if I don’t sober up a little bit and realize it, my moments will pass.

 

***Side note

As I finish looking over this post, Porno Dan text me, in regard to a lunch inquiry I made about Thursday: 

Yes yes and super duper yes day drinking w dan and the flame and the megaphone

Its Hard not to fade with friends like mine……

Dan going down on  me at the Highlands in Hollywood...

Dan going down on me at the Highlands in Hollywood...

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~ by Penny Flame on November 11, 2008.

One Response to “Bang Bros, Fried Eggs, and Whispers of Change”

  1. Like, what kind of stuff goes wrong?

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