Penny on D

brazzers-plib-5330Now, the last post I had written was incredibly shallow. Admittedly. That is why I put shallow bitch in it repeatedly. I received many emails in response to this post, more than I’ve ever received for any post, and it strikes me as almost funny, because somehow my statements finally caused some sort of upturn, some reaction on the part of my readers, and I like this. Your comments are the only proof that anybody reads my stuff. So thank you for reading. Now, onto defense.
Yes. It is shallow of me not to want to date the guy from Robek’s. While I only post five reasons why I do not wish to go on a date with him, there obviously are more, reasons that I just didn’t care to share. I suppose I should have if this were to be a fair post, but in my attempt to be funny and silly, I side-stepped one of the biggest problems and reasons why I do not wish to date this man.
Number one: He works at Robek’s.
Comment from BlueMuffin:”All that was needed was a polite decline to the offer and maybe even the self awareness that it’s a compliment to be.”
I suppose I had not made it clear that EVERY TIME I go into my smoothie place, he asks me out. EVERY TIME. I have been attending acai bowl happiness fest now on a daily basis since May. He is there 3 out of 4 times I go, and 3 out of 4 times, he hits on me, and asks me out, albeit subtle and around the bushish. I’ve politely declined his offer. I’ve told him I’d love to hang out, but between my travels and my work I just don’t see it happening. Over and over I’ve told him no. And this last time, I declined as politely as the first, although this time I played dumb blond when he asked if he will ever get me out. If I say I don’t want to go on a date with you, and you keep asking me, it isn’t going to make me go on a date. Yes, it is shallow of me to not want to date the guy from Robek’s, but I actually might have gone and checked out his band if he hadn’t kept asking me out every time we met. If he had just dropped the proposals, and gone with “want to come see me band” he would have gotten a yes out of me. But that still doesn’t mean that I would have gone on a date with him. We could have been homies, but I don’t date, and I don’t like the prospect of being on a date, and it doesn’t matter if you are a lawyer, and senator, or a fucking smoothie maker, if you ask me on a date, I will say no. I don’t like that terminology and I don’t like what it implies.
You wanna hang out?
You wanna grab a drink?
You wanna smoke a bowl?
These are all excellent approaches. Whispering “do you want to go on a date sometime” while I hand you my $6 makes my stomach turn. And not because who is receiving the six dollars, but because of what was said during the transaction, and the way it was said.
In addition, I should not have to keep saying no to a guy just because I want an acai bowl. There is no other place by me that makes them, and for fucks sake, if I say no, well than isn’t that kind of mental rape if you keep asking me? over and over and over? If i worked at Robeks too, I would sue him for sexual harassment. Instead, I take my acai bowl and prepare my “No” for when I return tomorrow. Yeah, it’s shallow that I won’t date the guy from Robek’s, but to be honest with you, I’ve dated guys that worked at Big-O tires, and pizza joints, and I’ve dated drug dealers and guys that had no job. So the job aside, yes, I’ve grown shallow in my old age deciding that I really don’t care to date someone who can’t bring something equal to the table, but I have a feeling that most professors aren’t going to date high school grads and feel intellectually stimulated. I have a feeling that most billionaires aren’t going to date someone using food stamps, love aside, our culture and economy is such that love just doesn’t cut it anymore. You have to prove yourself to the other person. Even when you’ve proved you are worthy of dating/loving/liking/fucking, that billionaire will still make you sign a prenup. Period.
again, from BlueMuff (sorry to use all your comments, it was just an excellent and honest post, and I appreciate you coming at me like this….)
The guy didn’t seem to do anything that deserved a public flogging, but the public nature of it is far less concerning than what it reflects about a person’s character to mock someone like that.
You are right. He didn’t deserve a public flogging. I do that for and I get paid for it, and the person usually likes the pain. In the case of the Robek’s guy, I am politely turning him down repeatedly over the whirrrrrrrllll of blenders and ice machines, and music and people yelling. There was no silence in the crowd as I shattered this guys heart for the umpteenth time. There was noise and me playing dumb. I’m not cruel, just admittedly shallow at times, and I’ll never yell “I’m not gonna fucking date you dude, get a clue” even though this is what I felt like screaming. Yes, I can be shallow. But I will be the first to admit it. Which is why I did so here, in a public place, to receive MY public flogging. Which I currently am.
From Jarrod’s comment: ” It doesn’t make sense for a wealthy and hot woman to date a minimum wage guy who has less ambtion than she does.”
Mr. Robek’s is at least my age, has never once mentioned school, which would give him a way out, proving his ambition, and lives with other people. And this is what I thought was most shallow of me, although its been pointed out that many other statements I made were equally shallow, because like Bluemuffin said, although it was in reference to a different shallow statement, in this economy and in times when people are lonely and having bombs dropped on their houses, some people need a motherfucking roommate. In fact, some of my little porno girlfriends have roommates, either because they are nervous to sleep alone, or because they have animals they cannot care for solo, or just in attempt to save money. Whatever your reason is for having a roommate? I don’t care. I don’t.
I will never have a roommate again, until I either marry, or find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t like living with people, as I am an incredibly private person, and when I wake up at your house, I don’t want to have to put clothes on to wander into the kitchen for a glass of water. I don’t want to hear your roommate bashing his girlfriend, just as your roommate doesn’t want to hear my passionate cries. I shared a room my entire childhood and into my adolescent years, and when I went to SDSU, I shared a room there too. Now that I am an adult, I have the right to wish to live by myself and date a guy who feels the same. Because if we differ in opinions of roommates, it will not end there. If I can’t go home to your house and feel comfortable, we can’t date. That is the honest to god truth, and I’m not sorry for saying it.
I went out to dinner with a good friend of mine, Brando, and he read the post, and felt the same as BlueMuffin, and a couple other people who left me comments. He said, as we ripped into our spicy Kung Pao chicken,
“Flame, you can’t write that kind of shit, what if some of your fans work at Robek’s and read that you won’t date them because they work at Robek’s?”
Me: “So what, after all this time, I should lie to them? I’ve been open and honest in my career thus forth and I don’t plan on changing it now that I have something to say that will be regarded as shallow and uncaring.”
Brando: “Alright…..but I think its shallow of you too babe. Why don’t you just go on a date with the guy from Robek’s?”
Brando: “alriiiiiight”

I should not be on here defending myself, and I’m not really. I’m clarifying my shallow statements. I am being honest and trying to explain that while I took the easy way out and said that its just because he works at Robek’s, there is a laundry list of things that keep me from saying yes, and that list is a lot more complicated that “he works at Robek’s” expresses. So there it is. My defense while playing offense while calmly watching from the sidelines. Every single person on this earth has created a standard that they must live up to, and you let that go, you have nothing. If I let mr. Robek’s wear me down with his advances and say yes just because he won’t quit asking, I have NO standards, and should be shot. If I tell him NO, over and over, and then write about it, and about how things might be different if he had a Benz (which I never said) or a fat house in the hills (which I also never said), then I am a shallow bitch and must be shot.
However, all the post said is that I’m not dating him cuz he works at Robeks and has roommates. Mr. Robek’s was cruel in asking me over and over again, because at no point in my day do I want to go get a fucking smoothie and wreck someone’s heart. I usually save that for dinner.
And on a side note, yes, every comment about me handling that dog shit situation was true. I did wrong, and approached it wrong, and will be the first to admit it. Which is why I wrote about it here. In the last post. But everyone does something wrong once or twice in life, and at the end of the day…..
Not everybody is willing to admit it to the entire world.

From a work day with Brazzers

From a work day with Brazzers


~ by Penny Flame on November 18, 2008.

23 Responses to “Penny on D”

  1. Nice post, Penny. I don’t think you’re being shallow. Some of of the things that you legitimately find attractive in a guy (ambition and independence, among others) can be threatening to other people’s egos. That’s their issue, not yours. I appreciate your honesty.

    Best regards,

  2. You’re so damn pretty. It’s pictures like this that make me forget you just got double teamed and spunked on while the other guy slapped you around a bit.

  3. GREAT post Penny. It is kind of hard for me to believe that ANY man could either be surprised or upset at what you wrote. Maybe if they are in their teens and have not experienced life. I live in DC, and if you don’t have a good job, nice car, nice condo or house, nice clothes- you are not going to get a date. It really is that simple. Just like men go for younger women who are physically attractive, cute women go for men who are ambitious, successful, and MATURE to the point where they can handle themselves. I don’t think you need to defend yourself at all. If you would have cussed the guy out and made fun of him in front of your friends, that would be shallow. But I think you handled it very well. You do seem to have a genuine good heart in that you care about others, which is kind of amazing in the business you are in- so actually I think you deserve a “kudos” for the way you approached this situation. Most women would have just bagged on the guy and ripped into him.. Best,

  4. I certainly hope that I didn’t come across as insulting or mean. I was trying to be honest…the very thing you try to do with your blog. I wrote more about my feelings on this at adultdvdtalk in the thread named after you. I haven’t changed my opinion and don’t think Penny on D accomplished much, but I do want you to know that my response was mostly directed at the “lawyer” from DC who seemed desperately clueless about the hypocrisy of his comment. No hard feelings, I hope, and good luck with your attempt at publishing the next great beatnik story.

    Your #1 best ex-fan,

  5. No, No offense taken. You weren’t insulting or mean. You just don’t understand the complexity of the situation. And I think you are just as shallow as I if you are really going to let this one blog about a guy at Robek’s make you an “ex-fan,” especially if at one point, you considered yourself my #1.
    What is worse?

    Me not giving him a chance based on social structures and hierarchy?

    Or you dumping me after x amount of years just because I wouldn’t date someone and you felt sorry for him, unless of course you are him in which case, I never thought you’d read this.

    Come on dude, its a blog. Save that #1 best ex-fan shit for some chick who will eat up and react to this kind of idle threat. I’m not going to censor myself, just as I would never ask you to sugar coat things. This is why I used your examples. They were the best.

    And thanks for the wish of luck, I will need it….

  6. I think this is the last place to “discuss” our disagreements, but I find it particularly rude of you to play this off as if I’m somehow looking for drama or your attention (based on your comment that I should save this for some other chick who will eat it up). That’s rather passive-aggressive of you.

    What, your integrity cannot be questioned, but mine can? In fact, if you think I’ve been anything less than sincere, than you are contradicting YOURSELF when you claim to respect my words and opinions.

    Which you attempt to do when you try and push this aside by stating this is only a blog, as if somehow I don’t know this already. That’s extremely condescending, Penny. You know the vast majority of replies you get will be your fans who would NEVER criticize you for anything. Do you respect them for not having any balls? And, if so, why?

    You state yourself that you are writing here to get feedback and that you want it, therefore why would you minimize the importance of the very feedback you crave? You didn’t create this blog simply to write to no one did you?

    By the way, two last things. First, as I mentioned already, my very first comment which YOU chose to quote prominently in your next blog was not directed at you, but the lawyer from DC, whom I thought was very narrow-minded.

    Second, if you think my comment or anyone else’s comments are suggesting that they think you need to date this guy, you are completely missing the point.

    I even found that odd when you wrote about your friend saying that you should date him. No one should date someone that they don’t want to date or because of social pressures put on them. The negative reactions, I believe, were how you judged him and mocked for who he was rather than just saying no.

    Then you come back in the next blog and add incredibly pertinent details that you, for some reason, chose to leave out about him asking you out every time you’re there. Sorry, Penny, but that’s playing the victim card and you’re no victim.

    Come up with any excuse you want, but if this guy was “mentally raping” you (a term I’m unfamiliar with), you needed to act in some fashion. Don’t come back, tell him off, tell his boss…pretty much anything would do if it was really that bad.

    As far as being a fan, you were the first porn star I ever liked. That is no lie. But just as you made your decisions about Josh, I find that the kind of shallowness you displayed to be unattractive and there’s nothing remotely shallow about that.


  7. LMFAO at Scott. No matter how you try to spin it, the whole “exfan” thing made you come across as a childish loser. Then you want to talk about passive aggressive. OH THE IRONY!

  8. Okay Scott, we will agree to disagree. But you AREN’T the only one who wrote to me about thinking it cruel or unfair of me, upset about what I wrote, and you ARE the only one who wrote “ex-fan”.

    It was just unnecessary.

  9. I honestly didn’t think you’d take the slightest offense to it when I wrote it. I think if you read the entirity of all the I’ve written about the subject, you’d find that I made no effort to slam you, attack you, or take cheap shots.

    I guess, while won’t mean anything coming this late, my basic purpose in writing ex-fan was simply to state to you that what you wrote had a very negative effect on ME. It wasn’t a reflection on your many other loyal fans, who might express themselves in a different manner.

    I guess it was unfair of me to allow my own personal sadness, after having put you up on such a high pedestal, be posted on a public forum on your own website. For that, I’m very, very sorry. You are absolutely right, it was completely unnecessary.

    I guess tomorrow’s topic might need to be Scott on D.

  10. seems fair that you denied him. if he didnt take the hint that your flirting was casual, social, and coupled with the fact that most other guys would realize who you are he wasnt worth it. oh yea, first time even seein your place here penny. i like it. very chill for a celeb, brings out the fact that your just like us, just you get paid for doin what wed like to do more often.

  11. Holy cow, what a can of worms this has opened up.

    Two comments from past experience.

    Humor and feelings are very difficult to adequately convey in a blog or e-mail.

    And people tend to read more into things than were intended.

    On a side note Penny, thanks for clarifying that the smoothie guy continually hits on you day after day. That’s just wrong to my way of thinking, no means no and trying to wear someone down by being persistent is not an admirable trait.

    Of course maybe he has brain damage and has no memory of meeting you before, so each day is a new one (joking).

    Have a great evening..


  12. I agree with you not dating the guy from Robeks. You deserve someone making as much money or more than you make. Guys who repeatedly ask the same girl out are desperate. They think somehow the girl will just give in to their repeated requests. I think guys who do this are childish just like a kid asking his mother for a toy or candy repeatedly. So don’t ever feel bad telling some guy no for asking you on a date, which is really old fashioned and corny to most people.

  13. Whose life is it anyway? Yours, correct? So live it the way that suits you. So you won’t go out with a guy from Robeks, and….
    Obviously there was no chemistry ti begin with, keep getting the acai because it is an awesome treat and good for you too

  14. Nice post hun (i assume its a good one at least), but i skipped the rest when i read about dating some other guy?? Im upset now!!!

  15. not meaning to post jack, but this is some funny ass back & forth.

    scott, i think ol’ girl tried to give you a pass for putting your foot in your mouth. all you had to do was *wave your yt flag* and be cool but then you decided to ramble on and cop pleas for your resignation as president of her fan club. dude, it read like she doesn’t really care about your comments because you tried to chastise her for the same behavior you just exhibited.

    the shit is not that deep. she should be allowed to do what she feels how she feels when she feels, and post about it in whatever manner she wishes. hell, i gave more of a shit about the dog shit than the rejection shit because the rejection shit was on sum “funny story about some bullshit that wasn’t deep enough to make dude act like and ass”-type steez. the dog shit was the meat of the post because it all jumped off by her switchin’ things up and gettin’ the smoothie, thus not having a bag for the shit! sensitive guy was a tool to lead us to angry guy (which i took as the main reason for the post) which gave us fair weather fan guy (scott) thus introducing over-analytical guy (me).


  16. Jims, most awesome comment ever.


    If we ever meet, I will give you the most amazing blowjob ever.


  17. Word on the living alone thing. The solitude of not having to put up with the pits of humanity and there inconsiderations is bliss! The idea of coming home and not having to speak to another person if you don’t want to till the next day is rather refreshing!

  18. I love finding new and exciting things to read from places I don’t expect reading to be.

    Makes me feel more and more like Pooh Bear wandering through the Hundred Acre wood, just enjoying everything.

    I love life, thanks for the blog. I’m sticking around.

  19. Penny, I thought your blog was hilarious and well written. I’m so glad I found your blog; keep writing!

  20. Jims, I love to have you take one of my classes at UCSB. Just browse through the EDUCATION department and you’ll find me. Maybe I can arrange for you to take one of my classes online. I’m assuming you haven’t taken such a course before and won’t be upset to be held to a similar standard that you’ve so skillfully, artfully, and articulately tried to hold me up to on a comment page, not a term paper or treaty.

    By the way, there is no logical comparison to a comment about being an ex-fan (Johnny Depp is great, but we have absolutely no personal interaction with one another, therefore, no relationship or responsibilty to one another) and knowing someone personally and treating them like dirt and laughing about it behind his back. In fact, a copy of Penny’s blog should be placed in an envelope and given to the guy to read. That would take courage and probably solve the problem. No one ever disputed Penny’s right to post whatever she wants. This is a myth. What you’d like is to censor comments, though I doubt that you see it that way. I never personally attacked Penny, in fact I admire her writing and was very honest about that. I simply found her comments to be distateful and disingenuous in my opinion and stated so. What I find most interesting is that those who’ve chosen to attack me for one thing (the ex-fan comment) aren’t willing to accept my several apologies and find all kinds of creative ways of pretending to know my intent, as if you resided deep in brain. That’s really your problem not mine, because when you read a blog you often give the writer significant latitude for mistakes, blunders, or poor decisions. Writers of all kinds of blogs write things they wish later they hadn’t or had been more clear in their musings. Penny stated herself that my original comment was the best one she received and quoted me throughout her next blog and somehow I’ve gone from those accolades to whipping boy. That’s fine, I’m a big boy. But that doesn’t make you right or less hypocritical. Now, you can all return to the simplistic and lazy attacks or labels, such as “sensitive guy.” There are worse things to be. I’ve witnessed several in dealing with my poor choice to ever involve myself in Ms. Flame’s blog in the first place.

  21. *waves yt flag*

    i don’t have the e-courage or “EDUCATION” for online beefs.

    you are right.
    i am wrong.
    you are educated.
    i am unlettered.
    you are the Brain.
    i am pinky.

  22. Maybe the only thing you could have done differently on that one would be being so direct that a retard could understand it: “I’m flattered, but I’m really not interested.” There are a lot of guys who won’t understand anything less. That being said, I sympathize with having to deal with stuff like that to get breakfast. Part and parcel of being hot and female, I suppose.

  23. Nothing substantive to add to this discussion but I think it very funny. I have not read anything this funny in a long time. With all the shit going in the world I feel lucky for finding this little gem of a blog which I will share with friends. You could make a great sitcom out of this.

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